Rendez-vous with Nico J. Genes

Thankful for the water

13/11/2019

It was a hot summer day. A bit too hot for my liking, I admit. I was walking towards a bus station with a heavy backpack pressing on my shoulder and another bag in my hand. Just 100 meters more to go and I would be there. On my right side, there was a construction site. The air was humid, and I felt all sticky with sweat and dust. I remembered that I had packed some wet tissues that will help me refresh a bit when I’d take my seat on the bus.
With a slow pace, I continued walking. I kept telling myself ‘Just a few more minutes and I will be comfortable again’. It would be useless calling a cab for such a short distance. I looked around and there was no one I could ask for help with my luggage. It was then when I noticed a little girl trying to get my attention.
“Miss,” she said. My first thought was that she was going to ask for money. She looked about seven or eight years old, dressed in dirty worn off clothes, and had greasy, dusty, tangled long brown hair. Her sparkling chocolate eyes were the spotlight of her outside characteristics. Her overall first appearance could easily mislead one, given that such fake image is commonly used for generating immediate sympathy towards roadside help-seekers and prompting one to extend help. Still, I stopped and decided to listen to what she had to say, and was even prepared to give her a few bucks. ‘Just an innocent child with unhealthy, poor living conditions,’ I thought.
“Can you please help me?” she asked pointing out towards a bicycle next to her. I must have been quiet
for a bit while she continued talking.
“I need you to hold hard on this back wheel,” and it was then when I actually noticed how dusty it was. ‘I’m not touching that,’ I told myself. The bicycle seemed to have known better days.
“It is too dirty,” I decided to speak up my thoughts. I really not wanted additional filth on my already sweaty hands.
“Don’t worry, there is the water for that,” she said in a serious tone. That made me smile instantly as I realized she was right. I might have been still surprised by her request though. I was expecting her to beg for money when in reality she only wanted my help with fixing her bicycle. She was trying to pull the seat up as it was too low for her height.
“My little sister rode it last, and I can’t bring it up,” she explained while pulling hard to lift it while I was pushing down the bicycle. Seeing how hard it was for her, and the seat not budging I suggested that we switch places. In order to do that I had to put my bag on the bench next to the bicycle. I needed both of my hands to do the task. While using my strength to lift the seat I was keeping an eye on my bag and belongings within. You never know what kind of trick this could be; getting my attention on the bike while some other person could come and steal my belongings.
Looking back in retrospect, I am not proud of my such thoughts. Unfortunately, it is only a kind of reflex as I’ve experienced many times in my life or heard other people’s stories of such happenings.
“That will be enough,” she said when the attained height of the seat seemed satisfactory to her.
“There you have,” I said wiping off the sweat from my forehead with the back side of my hand. I grabbed my bag and I was ready to move on.
“What’s your name?” she asked in her sweet young voice.
“Nico, what’s yours?”
“I’m Emilia,” she answered with an innocent expression.
“Thank you, Nico, for your help,” she said while hopping on her bike. Off she rode. We smiled and waved at each other one more time, and I continued walking. I saw her crossing the street on my left side and then I didn't look anymore.
“Goodbye, Nico!” I heard a voice from a distance.
“Goodbye, Emilia,” I yelled. I waved back and smiled. I knew she wouldn't be able to see my face from the distance but the scene really touched my heart.
It felt good to help, I was glad I didn't fall entirely into the trap of the bad past experiences. I was definitely more dusty and sweaty but as Emilia said: “There is nothing that water wouldn’t clean.” And water we are blessed with.

Today I’m thankful for the water and to all the people out there who will always prove that appearances are misleading, most of the times.
My apologies to the little girl, and to those I will misjudge in future. I know I will. I promise though that they can still count on my help while making me realize over and over again that my bad experiences were only the exceptions.

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Raising children in a gay relationship. Yes or No?

7/8/2018

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I have once read an article saying, based on a conducted study, that children raised by lesbians turned out psychologically better than children raised by "traditional" parents. The study was conducted for a period of 25 years following closely children of lesbians who were born using artificial insemination. These children, compared to children raised in "traditional" homes, turned out to be happier, more social, less aggressive and manifested less anxiety. Although the study was funded by gay and lesbian rights groups, the head researcher insisted that the data were not altered in any way. To help reduce potential bias, all the measures were scored using quantitative/number measures.
I think LGBT community will, in general, agree with the conclusions and I think that the majority will not think in any way that there is any subjectivity to it. On the other hand, I am sure that while some will remain neutral, a big part of the “traditional” world will think differently with more or less polite comments.

This wasn't the only study and I didn't come across any information that could lead to any other type of conclusion. There were few surveys that stated that oftentimes children in the same-gender relationship are more likely to face social and emotional problems. Despite what many straight people think, there is no indication what-so-ever that there could be any danger or big difference for the child to have two moms, two dads or a mom and a dad. No matter of sexual orientation the big factors I see could be reduced to the parent's role, the society's acceptance and the child’s take on the situation:

Gay or straight, the parent has the highest role in a child's life. If the child is born in a straight relationship the parents have the role to raise them without having any prejudices. When the child is born in a gay relationship, the parents must do a bit more, meaning that they should first explain their child why he/she has two parents of the same gender while the majority of kids have one mom and one dad and also prepare them to understand things and help them build a strong self-confidence from an early age. Kids are adorable and sweet but they can be very cruel to each other. Being different will always put you in a spotlight. It is not always with negative meaning, but being a child of gay parents will mark you immediately, especially in countries or cities where there is still a lot of adversity or intolerance towards the gay community.
What do gay couples do? If they aren’t strong enough to come out do they decide never to have children? From what I have seen so far, yes, many couples do that. There are still those that decide that their wish of having children is bigger than the fears of what would people say. And they go through lots until they fulfill their wish. They love their baby like the most precious thing in the world. But not less and not more than other parents. They want their best for their child, same as same-gender parents. The only difference is how the society will treat them. At first, the other kids will ask their parents something similar to: “How come Ana has two moms and I have a mom and dad?” For my opinion here is a crucial moment of how their parents will react, what will they tell them, will they be tolerant or will they say immediately that this is not accepted, this is not normal, etc? Children will accept any answer they receive and they will form their opinion starting from that. They will also give weight to the opinion of their teachers. Hence it is also very important what the teachers have to say, how they will react when certain comments occur. If everything is done properly, the child born in a gay relationship has equal chances of having a happy life ahead as the others. They will not feel stigmatized from an early age. They will not even think that it is strange he has two moms or two dads. For them this will be as normal as seeing heterosexual parents. I believe that they will have a higher dose of acceptance as they are used from an early age to embrace diversity. As long as it isn't harmful, the best attitude is to accept and tolerate everything around you, no matter if you understand it or not.
What if the gay parents of the child are not “out” yet? They may be living in an area where their life will become miserable if they only tried to confess to the closest friends or family. But they want so much to have children. While for an M/M couple this is really hard to hide, for a F/F one I believe there is still a chance for this to happen without any comments from the closest people. It will not go without saying a lie or hiding few things here and there regarding their relationship, who the father is and where did he go. Later on, the child may never find out that his mother's friend is actually his second mom, but he will perceive her that way. He may not call her Mom but she will know it. There will be less stigmatization at school as he will only be marked as being a single-parent child. In any case, I am sure that he will be raised with almost the same approach as if his moms would be officially in a relationship. But will be a lot of "behind the doors" things for the parents.
Sure, some studies proved only good things but you can't take your decision based on that. What you can do is to make sure you have all it takes to bring on this world and raise a child that will have everything to make the best out of it. By this, I don't mean material things, though those they have their role too. You need to be psychologically and emotionally prepared. I am sure the child will not lack love. But there will be something more important at one moment. The child will ask who his Dad/ Mom is. They will feel the wish to know them. No matter how well you will explain things, how well the society will accept them, they will still feel that something is missing. The majority of kids, books, movies, games etc. are all referring to a Mom and a Dad.

Do you feel your life will not be complete without having children?
Are you ready to go through all good and bad?
Are you sure you have what it takes?
Yes? Then get ready before you embark the journey. Enjoy the parenthood. :-)
No? Make sure you are okay with the decision, have no regrets and enjoy your love life at maximum.

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Thankful for the water

Raising children in a gay relationship. Yes or No?

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